viernes, 22 de junio de 2007

AL: hacerlo público / contestar preguntas

HACERLO PÚBLICO
Admitir ante las personas que rodean tu vida que te haces daño es parecido desde muchos puntos de vista al proceso de reconocerse como gay o bisexual. Aquí hay una lista que adaptamos de Bass y Kayfman (1996) de cosas a considerar cuando decides contarles a aquellos que decidas tu modo de enfrentarte a la tensión.

Podemos suponer que les contarás a las personas que están cerca de ti sobre tu conducta de autolesión (automutilación) durante una conversación, pero ésta no es la única forma de revelarlo. Algunas personas han descubierto que anotar todo lo que quieren decir y mostrárselo a alguien les ha funcionado.

Si eliges este acercamiento, sigue las pautas generales que se señalan a continuación y asegúrate de estar disponible para la discusión después de que la persona haya leído lo que le has dicho.

Si quieres contárselo a alguien a través del correo electrónico, yo sugeriría que después de mandarlo te comuniques con ellos ya sea por chat o por teléfono.

Otra forma que me han reportado que ha sido muy efectiva es mandarles la dirección de este sitio: www.autolesion.com. De esta forma ya vas a tener con ellos un lenguaje común y es más fácil comunicar y explicar lo que te está pasando.

Ahora lo que debes de considerar:

► Dale tiempo a la otra persona para que lo asimile, aunque - si la sigues y te dice que "le gustaría pensar en ello un ratito," dale espacio. Pídele que te avise cuando esté lista para hablar, y déjala ir

► Sé sensible ante los sentimientos de la otra persona.Puede ser casi tan difícil para ella/él oírlo como lo es para ti decirlo. Date cuenta que las personas probablemente se pregunten qué hicieron mal o cómo podrían haber impedido que sintieras tanto dolor o por qué te "enfermaste". No tienes que aceptar sus juicios de valor sobre tu AL, pero mantente abierto a escuchar lo que tienen que decir sobre ello. Podrías aprender algo, y puedes enseñarles mucho.

► Explícales que revelarlo es un acto de amor. Hazles saber que tu decisión de contarles que te haces daño es una señal de tu amor y confianza en ellos. Por lo general, una persona decide contarle a alguien sobre ésto porque lo ama, quiere o necesita su apoyo cariñoso, y está cansada de ocultarle toda una parte de sí misma. El deseo de ser abierto y confiar pesa más que el miedo al rechazo u odio o repugnancia. Deja que la persona a la que le cuentas sobre tu auto-daño sepa que no estás tratando de castigarla, manipularla, o culparla.

► Escoge un lugar privado y un momento de calma. Esto es cosa seria. Busca un momento en que cada uno de los implicados estén disponibles para una conversación larga. Hazlo en un lugar donde todos estén cómodos y no haya necesidad de preocuparse de que otros oigan sin querer.

► No les digas cosas con ira. No uses tu conducta de autolesión como arma: ¡"Ah, sí, miren, me hicieron que me cortara / quemara / rasguñara /golpeara!" Para conseguir el amor y la comprensión que buscas, deberás dar algo a cambio. Ya sea que la persona con la que has decidido compartir tu secreto haya contribuido o no a los problemas que te condujeron a hacerte daño, es irrelevante para una conversación de confesión. Si comienzas a enojarte y a culpar, vas a poner a la otra persona a la defensiva y se enfadará. Todo el proceso se atascará y será horriblemente desagradable e improductivo. Utilizar la autolesión como arma también aumenta la probabilidad de que la persona a la que se lo estás confesando reaccione exactamente del modo que esperas que no lo haga.

► Piensa en invitar a un “aliado”. Si tienes un amigo o terapeuta que entiende tu conducta de autolesión, posiblemente quieras pedirle que participe en la conversación. Una tercera persona neutral puede ayudar a mantener la calma.

► Proporciona la mayor información que puedas. Esto es determinante. Entre más sepa alguien sobre algo, menos le teme. Muchas personas no han oído nunca hablar de la conducta de auto-lesión o han leído artículos en periódicos populares sensacionalistas. Prepárate para darle a la persona libros o títulos de libros, artículos, fotocopias, listados, direcciones de sitios web, etc. Junta toda la información posible de modo que puedas contestar a sus preguntas exacta y francamente.

► Muéstrate dispuesto (y preparado) para contestar sus preguntas. Posiblemente deberás educarlos sobre la auto-lesión. Anímalos a hacer cualquier pregunta que puedan tener. Si te hacen una pregunta para la que no tengas una respuesta, diles "no sé" o "no sabría decir" o hasta, "prefiero no entrar en eso ahora mismo". Sé lo más abierto que puedas. Podrías querer anticiparte a sus preguntas y tener una idea de la forma en que las contestarás antes de hacer público que te haces daño. Puedes preguntarles a otros que hayan revelado su conducta lo que les preguntaron para que tengas algunas ideas.También deberás tener una buena idea en mente de lo que quieres hacer en cuanto a hacerte daño- te lo van a preguntar. ¿Quieres un tratamiento? ¿De qué clase? Si no, ¿cuál es la razón fundamental para no tratarlo? ¿Quieres que te ayuden a detenerlo o a controlarlo? ¿Cómo te pueden ayudar? ¿Qué es entrometerse demasiado y qué no lo es? Ahora es un buen momento para comenzar a poner límites.

►No es necesario sacar a la luz los temas más perturbadores en la primera conversación. No comiences describiendo con vivos detalles la vez que necesitaste 43 puntadas y una transfusión. Lo mejor será evitar descripciones gráficas de lo que haces; si te preguntan, solamente di "me corté la muñeca" o "golpeé las paredes hasta que me salieron moretones" o lo que sea. Trata de no alucinarlos; puedes dar detalles (si es necesario) en alguna otra conversación.

► Confía en tu propio juicio. Haz lo que para ti es natural. Tú te conoces a ti mismo y a tu familia y amigos mucho mejor que alguien más.

► Comunícate. Muéstrate dispuesto a hablar con las personas con quienes te estás confesando acerca de tus reacciones, y pídeles que te digan lo que piensan. La comunicación es de dos vías.


TRATANDO CON PREGUNTAS DESAGRADABLES
Tarde o temprano sucede - estás en la escuela o en tu trabajo, en el autobús, en una tienda, y alguien pregunta. "¿Qué le pasó a tu brazo, pierna, cara, o lo que sea?"
Por lo general, la gente no está tratando de hacerte sentir incómodo. Bastante a menudo, sólo están haciendo plática; realmente no quieren saber por qué tienes cicatrices, sino que lo hacen por decir algo. Sin embargo, te quedas atorado buscando una respuesta.
Con mucha frecuencia, la solución más fácil es medio reírse o hacer una cara pesarosa y decir “Me lastimé por andar en la luna”, o bien "Es una historia larga de contar". Luego cambias el tema. Esto desvía a la mayoría de las personas; si persisten, puedes decir, "Realmente preferiría no hablar de esto". Puedes ser un poquito frío aquí - después de todo, ellos están siendo algo rudos haciéndote preguntas personales y no te dan oportunidad de evadir la respuesta elegantemente.
Por otra parte, podrías intentar algunas de las respuestas que se sugirieron durante una discusión de excusas en la lista de correos electrónicos. Probablemente no las usarás todas, pero léelas para que te rías un rato:

-- Tuve sexo sin protección con un puerco espín.
-- Quise sacar a mis lagartos a dar un paseo y se resistieron como desesperados.
-- El gato del vecino y yo tuvimos un desacuerdo sobre las huellas de patas que habían en mi coche.
-- La policía no cumplió con rapidez las demandas de los terroristas, y entonces la agarraron contra nosotros los rehenes.
-- "Um, uh...yo, uh....verás....yo...uh...bueno,..." A esto generalmente tratan de echarte una mano contestando, "¿Te caíste?" Y entonces dices, "Sí, gracias."
-- Bien, sólo déjame decirte esto: NUNCA DE LOS NUNCAS, bajo NINGUNA circunstancia, deberás salir con un tipo o chica que hayas conocido en el Internet.
-- Me lastimé.
-- Sigo cayéndome de los acantilados tratando de agarrar a ese condenado correcaminos.
-- "Estuve cazando ostiones". Se me quedan mirando en blanco. Luego digo, con un guiño, "Obviamente nunca has cazado ostiones".
-- "Es una larga historia". Por lo general te dejan en paz, pero si te dicen, "Tengo tiempo", les dices, "Me caí. [pausa larga] Okey, es obvio que no fue TAN larga".
-- Estaba yo en una fiesta con Tyson y todo el mundo se abrazaba (mordía).
-- Perdí una pelea con una lata de atún.
-- Me resbalé haciendo una ensalada.
-- Me dormí, y el coco me agarró.
-- Lo pondré de este modo: cuando te dicen que no alimentes a los osos, es por una maldita buena razón.
-- Pensé que esas etiquetas de seguridad de los pantalones solamente rociaban tinta, pero por lo visto rocían pedazos de vidrios rotos, también.
-- No son cortadas, son mehendis (tatuajes hindúes).
-- Le hice un favor al consumidor. Debido a mí, ¡ahora esas cosas tienen una etiqueta de advertencia!
-- ¿¿De qué hablas?? (mientras me subo las mangas rápidamente.)
-- Maldito gato.
-- Bueno, cuando era más joven, tenía yo este sueño de que un perro me perseguía ... corría, y corría, pero entre más rápido corría, él subía más la velocidad. Yo quería llegar a mi casa... Ya casi estaba allí..., pero justo cuando llegaba al pórtico del frente, el perro me mordía. En todas partes. Muchas veces. Me dejó marcas que no parecen mordidas para nada. Y cuando me desperté... ::ojos bien abiertos:: tenía yo ÉSTAS.
-- "¿Qué cicatrices?" Por lo general contestan "ésas"; a lo que yo contesto, "no veo nada".
-- Las voces me dijeron que lo hiciera.
-- Lucho con tigres...
-- Me las hice subiendo una cerca para evitar este lugar horrible. (dicho en la escuela)
-- Lo hice como una ofrenda sacramental a mi señor de la oscuridad. ::Sonríes::
-- (acerca de las cicatrices de mi estómago) "Ah, esas son de cuando nació mi bebé". "¡Tú no tienes ningún bebé!" "No, pero podría tenerlo".
-- Es cosa que no te importa, tú, tonto (inserta una maldición apropiada aquí)
-- Yo me las hice. (Hey, algunas veces la franqueza funciona.)

fuente: www.autolesion.com

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